


A Quick Revenge

by Shelbylyn (shelbyofasgard), shelbyofasgard



Category: Alexander Hamilton - Fandom, Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Adultery, Alexander Hamilton - Freeform, Alexander is petty, Baguette shaped sex toys, Coffee, Dildos, F/M, God they hate each other so much, Lams - Freeform, Little bit of Fluff, M/M, One Shot, Prompt Fill, Revenge, Short One Shot, Tumblr Prompt, everyone lives au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 05:11:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6181567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shelbyofasgard/pseuds/Shelbylyn, https://archiveofourown.org/users/shelbyofasgard/pseuds/shelbyofasgard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thomas is a fan of being a sarcastic jerk, and sends a "helpful" book to Alexander after The Reynolds Pamphlet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

　　It had been three days. That’s all it took for Thomas Jefferson to reach the point of ultimate douchebaggery. It had been three days and four hours since the publishing of The Reynolds Pamphlet, and Thomas had taken action. Alexander was staying in a little hotel room for the time being, until he could find a better place to be. He couldn’t face Eliza right now, and even if he could, he knew that he didn’t deserve her.  
　　Alexander had opened up his door one morning to see a square box on his doorstep. He looked around in confusion, not sure where it had come from, or who had sent it. He shrugged, taking the box inside. Cutting it open with some scissors, he opened and almost screamed. It was a bright yellow book, Adultery For Dummies. He picked it up, and opened it. There was a handwritten note on the first page, “Perhaps you should add something about not publishing an article on your affair. Love, Thomas.”  
　　Oh, now it was war. Thomas Jefferson was going to pay for that. 

*The Next Day At Thomas’s Office*  
　　  
　　“Thomas! You have a package!” Sally, Jefferson’s assistant, said, carrying in a large box.  
　　“Sally be a lamb darling, won’t you open it?” Thomas asked, not bothering to look up from his paperwork. She promptly opened it and gasped loudly.  
　　“Uh-uh, Mr. Jefferson? You might want to deal with this yourself,” she stammered, blushing profusely.  
　　“Sally?” Thomas questioned, “What is it?”  
　　“I think I need to go to the bathroom,” she said, quickly running out of the room.  
　　Thomas, feeling more confused than ever, walked over to the box, looking in. He pulled out a bright coloured dildo, that was conveniently shaped like a baguette. Before he could even process what it was, he heard a crash behind him.  
　　In the doorway stood James Madison, who had just dropped his coffee cup, his face burning beet red. James tried to speak, but only incoherent noises came out. He bent over to pick up some of the pieces of his coffee cup, but gave up on the endeavor, and quickly left the room.  
　　Thomas sighed, then he saw a letter left in the box.

Dear Thomas,  
　　Thank you for your lovely book recommendation, I’m sure it was of great help to your relationship with Sally. So I was inclined to give you a gift in return. Perhaps this would be of use to you and James Madison?  
　　Your Obedient Servant,  
　　Alexander Hamilton


	2. Kopi Luwak

　　The baguette dildo scandal, or the "Thomas Jefferson is kinky" scandal, as many office members had taken to calling it, raged through the building for several weeks. Human resources was doing a thorough investigation of the incident, and Sally had requested to be moved to another department. James Madison could no longer even walk by without blushing profusely at Thomas, and this had allegedly sparked some rather risque fanfictions. Not that Thomas had read or heard anything about them. Definitely not.

　　Even President George Washington had called him, scolding him for his behavior, and congratulating him on his relationship with James Madison. As a punishment, he had to attend "Behavioral Reformation Meetings" for several weeks to discuss inappropriate sexual behavior in the workplace.

　　Thomas tried confronting Alexander, but he got nothing. Alex vehemently denied any involvement, saying "Someone must have forged my signature on the letter. Thomas I would never involve myself in such childish and inappropriate behavior. My deepest apologies that someone would send that to you. It must have been so uncomfortable for you."

 

　　When Thomas walked away, Alexander couldn't help but giggle like a teenage school girl. He had no regrets, and firmly believed Thomas deserved everything he got. 

　　That's why he was surprised to receive a package from one Thomas Jefferson a few days later.. It said:

 

　　Dear Alexander,

　　I know that you and I have disagreed on many different fronts, and I would like to mend the fence, so to speak. Enclosed is one of my favourite types of coffees, called Kopi Luwak. It's a fine delicacy, and I think it would suit your personality quite well.

　　Enjoy,

　　T. Jefferson

 

　　Alex shrugged at the gesture, and went to make so of the new coffee that he had received. That's when he turned to see a certain curly haired young man walk into his office. 

　　"My dearest John Laurens! I didn't know you were coming!" Alex yelled, running over to hug his friend. 

　　"Alexander, I missed you," John said, keeping a hand on the other man's shoulder, "I wanted to come and check on you. It's been too long."

　　"How were things in South Carolina? Did you get your anti-discrimination law passed?" Alex asked, going over to his coffee machine, pouring himself a cup.

　　"Not yet, but we're not done yet. We've made huge strides, and we won't quit til we've got it passed," John explained, "How are things in the Capital?"

　　"I've been dealing with Thomas Jefferson, but things seem to be alright now. He sent me a peace offering, so perhaps it won't be a constant battle now," Alex sipped his coffee, cringing at its taste, but continuing to drink.

　　John smiled at Alexander, proud of his friend's maturity, and went to look at the coffee packaging. That's when he began laughing uncontrollably.

　　"You know that Kopi Luwak is made of feces right? You are literally drink feces coffee Alexander," John laughed hysterically, tears forming from it. 

　　"What the hell are you talking about John?"

　　"The coffee beans are made partially from the feces of some animal. God Alex," John explained.

　　Alexander turned red, slamming his cup onto his desk. 

　　"Why don't we go to a coffee shop, and get you some normal coffee?" John asked, putting his arm around Alexander, "We'll talk about how we can get Thomas back later."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello! This one shot has become a series! Thanks for reading!!


	3. You Are The Worst Burr

Aaron Burr was, debatably, the worst person on this earth. Actually, no, he was the second worst, following the Baguette Dildo Lover that is Thomas Jefferson. The thing was though, Aaron Burr was useful to Alexander, unlike Thomas. 

For example, Aaron Burr's office was next door to Thomas' office, and was known for dropping by from time to time. So if hypothetically, Burr was to drop by Jefferson's office, it would not be unusual in the slightest. Another point in Aaron's favor, was the fact that he was indifferent to just about everything. So once again, hypothetically, if Alex was to send Burr to fill all of Thomas' drawers with SpongeBob Kraft Mac and Cheese noodles, he could do it. Hypothetically of course. 

This wasn't even Alexander's idea. It was all John's idea to use Burr, and to use Mac and Cheese. Hamilton's idea was much more in depth, and required about 75 people dressed as baguettes and waving French flags to bring to action. They decided on John's idea.

*************************************************************************************************

"So you want me to do what exactly?" Burr questioned, though sounding surprisingly calm.

"Just take these noodles and fill his desk drawers with him when he leaves. Then you leave silently, and no one will be the wiser. Anyways, Jefferson will know I was behind it. This whole prank war is a thing now I guess?" Alexander explained, gesturing to the boxes and boxes of Mac and Cheese. 

"My god. No Alex. No way," Burr said, rising from his chair. 

"Come on, Aaron, it's a harmless joke," John laughed, "No need to be so serious about this." 

Burr shook his head, and walked away. 

 

No one knows for sure how the noodles actually ended up in the drawers. Rumor has it that Alex and John had a spy on the inside. 

That's right.

Hercules Mulligan.


	4. Who's the best? C'est moi

"I am sorry, I do not understand why you think I would do this for you Thomas. You are- how do I put it delicately- a jerk," Lafayette stated, glaring at the man in front of him. 

"It's just a harmless prank Marquis. I thought you would enjoy the fun of it!" Thomas exclaimed, looking deeply offended. 

"That sounds more like you are trying to hurt Alexander than playing a game," he questioned.

"I promise you, it will cause him no harm. The effects will only be temporary."

"Fine," Lafayette sighed, "I will do it, but I must be calling the shots."

Thomas smiled and nodded, feeling very pleased with himself. 

****************************************************************************************

"He wants to do what?" Alexander yelled. John reached over and put a hand on his shoulder, trying to calm down the irate man next to him.

"He says it is for a prank war? I do not really know much mon petit lion. I just know that he wants me to be involved in the- what's the word..?"

"Heinous plot that is the very epitome of degradation and evil!" Alex responded, angrily pacing the floor. 

"Ah- plot. That is the word. He wants me to be involved in the plot."

"Then you have to help us!" Alex answered, "You can help John and I embarrass him!"

"Alexander-" John started.

"No, no it's fine. I'll do it," Lafayette interrupted, "Thomas irritates me. What is the plan?"

"He meets with President Washington later today. I also happen to know how to get into the ventilation system," Alexander explained, "Meet me in the basement!" Alex proceeded to run out of the room with no further reasoning or explanation. 

"Do I want to ask how he knows that? Or why he had that in the back of his mind?" John asked, turning to Lafayette.

"Probably not my dear John."

John looked at his phone when he heard the familiar "beep". 

Alexander: I need some helium too. Thomas is going to sound like a chipmunk, and it will be glorious.


	5. A Public Affair

Alexander Hamilton would never survive in politics if not for George Washington's sympathies towards immigrants. -Thomas Jefferson

 

"How dare he?" Alex yelled, spilling his cup of morning coffee on the paper, "Who does he think he is? How can Thomas Jefferson be the world's largest Francophile, and be anti-immigrant! He is a walking contradiction!" 

"Calm down Alexander," John soothed, "It's politics. It is what it is. I can't believe it still bothers you to be insulted by him.."

Alex sputtered as he tried to drink some of John's unspilled coffee, "It's not that he insulted me John. He tried to insult President Washington!"

"Alexander, his name has been through a lot, he'll be fine." Alexander's face contorted with frustration at John's apathy. He jumped up and ran out of the room, returning with his laptop bag.

"Um.. What are you doing Alex?" John asked, though questioning whether or not he should. Alex had a history of going a bit overboard. 

Alex smiled devilishly as he walked outside, "Don't even worry about my dearest Laurens. Don't even worry."

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"James, I just don't understand. How did Washington find out about the pranks? They were harmless," Thomas muttered, staring at the computer screen, his email open. 

"I don't Thomas. He has a point though. Your quote to the paper was just to get revenge on Alexander, it wasn't founded on any type of political belief," Madison explained, trying his hardest to be sympathetic. In actuality, he believed it was just bad karma. 

"Of all the things the President can concern himself with, it's this?"

 

Alexander snickered in the hallway next to Jefferson's office. Sometimes being an aide to the president has its perks. And sometimes that means getting the president to send a fake email. 

Ah. Life was good.

**Author's Note:**

> This may grow to be something longer! It was based off the Tumblr's @hamiltonprompts post! If you want more, I'll write it!


End file.
